Hell no, please go away..

i feel like crying now.. my life has been upside down these few weeks.. i can't focus on things that are utterly important, in fact, i can't even focus on anything.. my mood has been swinging like hell and people around me are the ones who get the taste of it.. i feel so bad, yet it is out of my control.. maybe it's hormone -you know, girls stuff, it always happens, the worst weeks in my life, as always.. and then the negative thinking will take me down.. it's like acne, they come and go, you always try hard to get rid of it, but they are never really gone.. and just like acne, some even leave dents and scar if you can't control yourself properly.. *sigh

i need to find the correct medication for both of these, hope you don't experience the same thing..

wish me luck.. =)

I try

There are few things in life that i've been trying so hard to gain for a very long time yet i can't. I can frankly say to you, i don't really have many friends, in this case, especially girlfriends. Not to mean anything. It's just the awful fact. I've always been struggling with friendship ever since i was a kid. Friends are important people in our lives, who wouldn't agree with that? To me, friends are family and family should be just like friends to you.

I'm not a nasty type of friend, i can assure you. It's just that being boring and lame are few things that describe me. I am not fun enough to hang out with, at least i feel so. I am not so good with words and being a quiet and shy girl, i've always in demand of talkative friends, and in this case my best friend in high school fits that need the most. I have few close friends in high school -the one i shared to you on my previous post,we've been through a lot, and i'm glad i had them. =D

The worst is that i'd never change much, even if i hung out everyday with my talkative friends, i am still the quiet shy girl that i was. Going to Malaysia to study, i had a big hope of changing, being a new me -a more talkative me, that's what i thought. But things could never be easier. One step wrong and it's hell trying to turn back everything. Maybe most of the people who know me on the outside now would give you thousands of reasons why they don't like me. I know, they only know me on the surface. But it's not like i didn't try. I tried my best. The point is, maybe i tried too hard. I tried too hard to be liked, although they never tried to know me better. I've always tried to be the best friend that i can be. But it's hard to compromise people the moment they judged you even before you can say a word.

Sometimes i feel so lonely. I can tell you, the only people who know me best right here, right now are my twin sister and bf. Other than that, they might not even know what color i love the most. It's a painful realization really. When you are far away from your family, who else can you run into when you don't have friends around?
It's not that i'm not satisfied with what i have now. I am really really grateful with what i have. It's just that at times when i'm down i don't feel like bothering these two people i love most. Don't you ever feel that way? Or at least a few of you?

At last, be grateful with what you have now. If you have a lot of friends, especially genuine ones be thankful. If you don't, don't feel left behind. Be a good friend yourself and you should gain the same. =)

The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.-Danica Whitfield

What is wrong with me?

Okay, to be honest, i've been completely lazy, like seriously. I've got 3 assignments to go, an independent project hanging, and so far i've done nothing. It's like i don't have points in life. Aaarrghh....!
I know i've never been such a diligent girl, but i'm not this lazy either. I feel like i want to blame my body systems, but there is nothing wrong with them..

Well, before, let's take a track back on a few points.
1. I might not get enough sleep.
considering how late i usually go to sleep and need to force myself to wake up in the morning and fail in doing so. Then resulting in me being late to class and not able to focus in class. In the end = low productivity and bad end results. -.-"

2. I might not have enough nutrients.
but seriously, what is it that i didn't eat? LOL

3. I might be mentally disturbed (?)
in this case i might need a consultation.

4. I might be bored with university life
it's my final year, who wouldn't? *grin*

5. I might be having too much unimportant thoughts
consequences of point 4.

6. I might put a lot more reasons.

LOL
Nevermind me okay, put this post away from your thoughts. I'll consider this as a boredom killer. =D
Let's hope my normal soul will be back soon.
Until then, keep yours save. *wink

Catch up

I was planning to do my lab report, but then i remember, i can't rely on the internet connection in campus. I can't even open my e-mail. So lame, hahaha..
Well, better than nothing, while i have the time and my laptop with me, lets just catch up.. =D
So yesterday i did my presentation for independent project A. It was quite okay....
But if u know, that was outside of my expectation. The day before was madness. My other classmates have done their slides and was practicing the whole day, while i was still editing mine and finished them at 12 a.m. right on the day. And i thought that should be enough, but no. During the day itself, my supervisor told me to change whatever i couldn't understand to avoid the judges from asking. So i was still editing my slides hours before my presentation, yet i feel so calm.
In the end, i'm glad that it was over and was not as bad as i thought it would be.
It was the fear of it that's the worst.

I just hope in the future i can be better. =)